I thought I knew grief

I lost 3 family members to suicide.

And so many loved ones.

I thought I knew grief.

But I didn’t.

Because the truth is I never fully let myself grieve.

Because everyone else’s grief was more important.

They lost their mom or their brother, their husband.

They knew them longer, better, loved them more.

So I told myself their pain matters. Mine doesn’t.

And I held it in.

And then I managed, fixed, soothed everyone else’s pain.

In every area of my life.

Because it made me feel like I had a purpose.

That’s what you’re supposed to do right? Turn the pain into purpose.

But I was just avoiding my own.

Until I couldn’t avoid it anymore.

It became too heavy.

So I cried. And I grieved. And I learned.

That grief is untethering.

It washes away your identity.

Your language.
Your expectations.
Your reality.

It changes the foundation, the ground beneath you.

In an instant. Forever.

And when I finally sat with it long enough, I let myself grieve

The losses I wasn’t allowed to feel
The feelings I wasn’t allowed to talk about
The needs I could no longer speak

The businesses I had built and walked away from.

The childhood I didn’t get to have and the one I was so desperately trying to give my daughter that didn’t go the way I had thought.

And when I let it wash over me, I started to feel the ground come back under me.

I felt the foundation start to settle.

And that’s where I reclaimed my voice. My needs. My identity. My love. And myself.

I came home.

And now I’m helping others.

If that’s you, you’re invited.

We start soon.