others like me

Last week, I sat in the woods by myself for 7 days.

No kid

No husband

No school

No clients

Just me.

The truth is, I walked away from a contract in November.

To protect my peace.

And I was still carrying the damage.

For 2.5 years, I poured everything I had into someone else’s business.

He said he was self aware.

He said he’d done the work.

What I know now is that there’s a difference between speaking the language and it living in your bones.

He didn’t embody the work.

And I didn’t either.

I was coaching about boundaries and couldn’t hold my own.

If I had a great session with a client, I let him take credit.

If I created something, I let him completely redo it.

If I followed his instruction, I let him lose his mind because he didn’t remember what he told me.

Eventually

I stopped standing up for myself.

I stopped speaking up.

I stopped owning my worth.

And I started believing what he was telling me about… me.

He said he “used to be” a narcissist

And he was just self aware enough that it was disorienting.

Ever so slowly, I disappeared to keep the peace because the landscape was so emotionally volatile.

Until I finally had enough.

I was talked to because I expressed gratitude for a colleague. We both were. I’m not even sure what I was being accused of.

But I knew in that moment, that I couldn’t be me if I stayed.

I stayed quiet for last six months for a number of reasons.

And then I met a client who had a very similar experience.

And in that moment, I knew I wasn’t alone.

And that I had to unwind the damage it had done,

So that I could reclaim my voice, my confidence, my worth and my peace.

So that I could help others like me.